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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26959342">i'll write again soon.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoukinspace/pseuds/anoukinspace'>anoukinspace</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>counting days [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Coping, Coping Mechanisms, Diary/Journal, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Kinda?, Letters, M/M, Sam Wilson Feels, Sam Wilson Needs a Hug, Self-Indulgent, Writing, he deserves it, please give him love, the author is unstable, this hurt me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:23:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>808</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26959342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoukinspace/pseuds/anoukinspace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>sam wilson writes letters, for no one to see. because the world, his friends, have enough battles to fight as it is.</p><p>this fits in the same universe as dor, but it can absolutely be read on its own.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Riley/Sam Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>counting days [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'll write again soon.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i wrote this purely out of self indulgence, and what a weird thing to write, at that.<br/>school has started 3 weeks ago and im already losing my grip, so i thought, if i couldnt have healthy coping mechanisms, at least my comfort characters would.<br/>i have an essay due tomorrow that i have yet to start. so help me god.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey.</p><p>I know it’s been long. I’m sorry. How are you? I haven’t had quite as much time as I would've wanted. If you had told me this was gonna be my life, I think I mighta tackled you to the ground for saying stupid shit. I stand corrected. The last months have been so ridiculously packed. There’s hella bad people out there. Dangerous, too.</p><p>But who am I talking to.</p><p>The Avengers are a nice group of people, but I've told you that a million times before. Tony’s still every bit as unbearable. I like him, tho. He cares a lot more than he wants others to know. Rhodey is still every bit as great as he was from the start. I marvel at his ability to keep Tony at bay, he oughta teach that. </p><p>Sessions are, well, I would be lying if I said they’re great, but it’s good seeing people progress. Livia is getting back on her feet. Last time she listed 10 things she loves about living without really having to think about it. I’m mad proud. She’s a fighter, oh boy, she’s a fighter. I knew she’d get back up.</p><p>It’s good to have someone to talk to about this, you know, since I can't tell the others, confidentiality and all.</p><p>Speaking of being proud.</p><p>Steve and Bucky are getting better every day. I swear to god, Barnes had to have been the most stubborn person in the universe, before everything. There’s days when he’s getting by on nothing but sheer power of will. Actually, thinking about it, Steve and him probably share that stubbornness. Bucky smiles more and more, and he doesn’t shy away from contact anymore. It’s huge. Call me naive, but I think he might actually find comfort in touch, and he’s bitchin’ right through his trauma. I wish to have a fraction of his strength. </p><p>Steve helps a lot, too. You know, with Bucky and all, I tend to forget how broken Rogers is. You and me both know the terrors of war. I’m not sure we both know what it feels like to lose the person you love more than anything to it. I hope you don’t, I hope you read this and just pity me. I pray to every god out there that you’re happy, and peaceful, that you’re having the best time, now that mortality is no longer an issue. I’m getting off-topic. Steve. What a machine. The fear of losing Bucky all over again is eating him alive, and you would never guess. In general, Steve’s full of crippling fears. Letting people down, not doing enough, letting people in, losing those he loves, I could go on and on. And still he walks through every day as if his life didn’t constantly put himself and everyone of his friends in mortal danger. </p><p>I always think you should be here, where I am. You should be fighting crime in the wingsuit, you should be doing all the righteous work. You were always more reckless than me. I was always the rational one. I can practically hear you arguing about it, but it’s true. I never thought this was gonna be my life. I just wanted to go home and help people. It’s funny, really. Used to preach one thing and do the other. I didn't do shit to try and move on. Did tell everyone else how important it is, tho. And oh what a surprise finding out what I constantly tell other people to do actually helps! Who woulda guessed.</p><p>I miss you. I miss you like hell. Every morning and every evening and every moment in between. I see Steve and Bucky and I'm happy for them, I really am, but I can't shake that pang of jealousy. Because they’re a miracle. But that don't work for us, I saw your body getting put 6 feet down. Was the one who did the talking, even. I feel so bad for it, too, because I know how much they struggle every day, and it’s not pretty, but at the end of the day, they have each other, and we don't. The world is a damn cruel place, sometimes. </p><p>I know I say it every time, how much I miss you, but it’s true. It’s not faint, it’s never not present. What right do you have to occupy so much of my mind? </p><p>I wouldn’t trade it for the world, tho. It was beautiful, while it was. And now, it isn't, and it’s hard, but I have to accept it. And moving on feels wrong, but it’s the right thing to do, I know that. I know you woulda wanted me to move on. I'm trying, Riley, I’m trying. Baby steps. </p><p>I promise I’ll write again soon.<br/>
I hope you are well.<br/>
I love you.</p><p>Sam."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is completely unbetaed and idek if it makes sense. procrastination at its finest. if u did decided to read this, i love you. thanks.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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